


No One Knows If Shooting Stars Will Land

by FastPacedFreeFall



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Guardian Marinette, Marinette March 2020, is it still survivor's guilt if the guilted-over party isn't actually dead?, moving on from a first love, post-Miracle Queen, post-season 3, self-doubt but she gets better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FastPacedFreeFall/pseuds/FastPacedFreeFall
Summary: Now holding the title of Guardian, and the weight that goes with it, Marinette has to decide who she's going to be going forward.
Relationships: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Tikki
Kudos: 31





	No One Knows If Shooting Stars Will Land

**Author's Note:**

> I'm well aware this is two months late for Marinette March, but since when have I ever stuck to a schedule successfully? Also I know the Miracle Egg is the canon design for the box, but I hate it, so have a headcanon in these trying times.
> 
> Title and opening verse is from "Whatever Will Be", covered by Vanessa Hudgens and originally by Tammin Sursok.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

_"Sometimes I feel like I'm a bird with broken wings  
At times, I dread my now and envy where I've been  
But that's when quiet wisdom takes control  
At least I've got a story no one's told"_

* * *

Marinette has always had issues with anxiety.

Even as a child, she worried about much in her life—whether people liked her, whether she was a good enough person to make her parents happy, if there really were monsters lying in wait under her bed and in her closet til she let her guard down. Catastrophizing is her worst habit, her panic driving her to be sure that the absolute worst case scenario will play out despite her best efforts. It's why she's grown to be protective of her room; it's her sanctuary, where Chloé's torment and everyone's guilty hesitance can't touch her. When the door shuts behind her, she can pretend it doesn't exist until the moment that she has to step back through that door. Her room is the space that hits the pause button on her riotous mind, lets her turn that energy towards her creations.

And now, even that sense of security feels like it's been ripped away.

It's been a few weeks since Miracle Queen helped Hawkmoth turn everything upside down, and as far as she and Chat can tell, their foe has faded back into the shadows until his next move. The akumas have gone on as normal, but her nightmares have a new flavor to them—coming home and opening her door to find Hawkmoth waiting, Miracle Box-or egg, as is now the case-tucked under his arm and a vicious grin on his face. Her friends have been nice about it, but more than one comment has been made about the bags that are ever-present under her eyes, and her new habit of looking over her shoulder. Chat is much the same, but close enough to the situation to know that she needs to be the one to bring it up if it's going to do her any good, and she's just not ready to do that yet. They patrol as usual, they banter as usual, but there's a tension in the background that's becoming harder to ignore.

Master Fu had warned her that Guardianship would come with a uniquely heavy weight, no matter how well he knew she would carry it. But that's the entire problem—she doesn't know _how_ she's going to handle the pressure to perform, when she's already struggling to handle her guilt over how things ended up in her lap.

“Marinette?”

The concern in Tikki's voice draws her out of her head, and she looks up to find two pairs of big eyes watching her from mid-air. Wayzz has been hovering around her just as much as Tikki, all gentle voice and calm encouragement when the stress is getting the best of her, but he's not very good at hiding the sadness lingering behind his positive attitude—one more thing for her to silently guilt over.

So she musters as sincere a smile as she can for the two. It doesn't seem to do much good, given that their expressions don't change. “Sorry, got a little lost in thought. Did you guys need something?”

“No,” Tikki says, floating down to rest in Marinette's outstretched hand. “We just wanted to check on you. You've been awfully quiet today.”

“I'm fine, Tikki. Like I said, just thinking.”

“Is there anything in those thoughts that you may wish to share, Miss Marinette? The Guardian and Kwami relationship doesn't only exist for the sake of the magic. We wish to be able to help you, in any capacity you need.”

The sentiment is quiet and sincere, and she can't help but smile at the little kwami gratefully. She still finds the air between her and Wayzz to be awkward and tense at times—she's not sure if it's from any lingering hurt over losing Master Fu, or if they simply haven't been able to 'click' yet, but they're still making an effort to encourage a bond with her. To be honest, it's reassuring that they _want_ to make that effort.

“It's just...” she trails off, looking away to the pinprick light of stars through her skylight. Her nights used to be a lot more peaceful. She wonders if she'll ever get back to that state of mind. “Do you guys- I mean, do you think I have it in me to do this?”

Tikki and Wayzz glance at each other, then back to her. “What do you mean?”

“This whole guardian thing. Protecting the Miraculous and picking out people to wield them. Do you think I'm... suited for it?”

Wayzz's eyes soften with understanding. “You were chosen to be the next Guardian. You do not think you are adept for the position?”

She winces, not meeting his steady gaze. “After the mess I made, and losing the group I did choose to Hawkmoth and Miracle Queen? I screwed up big time, you don't have to pretend like I didn't.” She brings her legs up to her chest and leans forward, resting her chin against her knees. Curling in on herself like this has always been one of her go-to calming techniques; making herself a little smaller, physically holding herself together with her arms around her legs, makes her feel a little more able to hold herself together mentally too. Sometimes, especially now, it feels like the only thing she has to hold together while her life rips apart around her. “And this isn't the first time I really messed things up. You and Chat were right, Tikki, I should've talked to Chloé about not being Queen Bee a long time before I did. Maybe she wouldn't have reacted so badly as to get akumatized, or she wouldn't have felt like she had to team up with Hawkmoth so she could keep Pollen. I should've paid attention to my surroundings more, then I wouldn't have led Mayura straight to Master Fu. The way things have been going, you guys might not even be safe with me. Maybe I should just see if I can contact Marianne and-”

“Marinette.” Tikki's voice cuts through her self-recriminating with all the sharpness of a knife, and Marinette's head jerks up to find her kwami staring her down. “I want you to listen to me. I know your mind is racing, and you're trying to reason yourself out of a position that seems impossible, but just listen to me for a while, okay?”

She nods, her unspoken words sliding back down and coagulating into a lump in her throat.

“You are not a perfect person, Marinette. You second-guess yourself, and you let your worst emotions get the better of you. Sometimes to the point of letting those emotions guide your actions. You hesitate, and it ends up landing you in a bigger mess than the one you started out with. You try so hard to please everyone at the same time, and end up pleasing no one, not even yourself. You push yourself to work harder to the point that you sometimes can't think straight, and that affects everything else in your life, including your work as Ladybug.”

Marinette's teeth clench against her bottom lip, trying to bite back the sharp sting she can feel gathering at her lashline. She's asked Tikki to be honest with her in the past, and she appreciates it entirely(especially after the Feast sentimonster incident), but the bluntness... it _hurts_. It's everything she knows is a problem with her, and she _knows_ Tikki doesn't say it to be mean or to throw her mistakes back in her face, but that's what it feels like now.

“You feel like you _have_ to be perfect, and for that, I want to apologize.”

Marinette's head jerks up from its former droop, staring at Tikki with wide, surprised eyes. Her kwami has not shied away from admitting she was wrong before, but Marinette had never seen her contrite, the way she looks now. “I never meant to put that kind of pressure on you. I'm supposed to be your guide, and your friend.”

“You- you _are_ my friend, Tikki,” Marinette croaks, her hands coming up to cup Tikki. “I never wanted to make you feel like you weren't.”

“You didn't. You never have. But _I_ made _you_ feel like the weight of the world was on your shoulders, haven't I?”

Marinette's shoulders inched upwards. “Isn't it, though? I mean, even without the Guardianship now. I'm the one who has to make sure that the akumas are purified. I have to make sure that the damage gets reversed.” She'd hoped that this wouldn't come up so soon. It's not that Marinette actually _likes_ raking herself over the coals, despite how much practice she has doing it in and out of the mask. It's just inescapable, hard fact.

_I'm the one who has to keep it together, because Paris can't afford otherwise._

It makes her new role that much more scary, come to think of it; if she messes up and gets Akumatized, or loses the earrings, not only does Paris lose their Ladybug, but also the Guardian of the other Miraculous. Miracle Queen is the first time Hawkmoth has shown any interest in them beyond hers and Chat's, but who's to say that won't become his new focus with the translated book now in his hands? What if he decides that getting his hands on the wish-makers isn't enough for him?

“Oh, Marinette.” Tikki's sigh yanks Marinette out of her quickly darkening thoughts, leaning her little head against Marinette's thumb. “I don't mean just being Ladybug, though that is part of it. I mean, in your everyday civilian life, too. Sometimes, I push you a lot. Maybe a little more than I should.”

Marinette blinks back at her, a little confused. “What? You- I mean, you do push me to do better, Tikki. But I know it's just because you want me to do my best.”

“I do. But sometimes, I worry whether my pushing is just putting more pressure on you that you don't need. I don't want to be one more person expecting the most effort out of you at all times, in all things, and end up pushing you straight into a complete breakdown.”

“Tikki...”

“I know you're capable of a lot—I've _seen_ how well you rise to whatever gets thrown your way, by Hawkmoth or just by life. And I'm so proud of you every time you do. You're so _young_ , though. You're so young to be juggling all of it, and I'm _terrified_ for you.” Tikki's already-large eyes seem even more amplified by the tears quickly filling them. “Miraculous holders aren't usually your age. The last time I had such a young holder was Jeanne, and-” she cut off with a sob. “It's h-hard enough to fight these battles for an adult, but I don't want to watch another one of my baby Bugs get k- _killed_ trying to succeed where the adults have failed her.” Tears race down Tikki's face, her words breaking into tiny hiccuping cries, and an equally-teary Marinette draws her close to her cheek, giving into her own fears while Wayzz silently stands guard and lets them feel the full brunt of the things they've become so used to holding back.

* * *

“Tikki?”

Her kwamis' red-rimmed eyes slide open at the whisper, looking back across at Marinette from her spot on the pillow. They've long since cried themselves out, and Tikki had viciously gulped down the two butterflies Hawkmoth had sent after them before sending their purified selves off through the skylight. Wayzz had returned to the box with a serene smile and 'good night', leaving a drained Marinette and Tikki to slip into her bed. Sleep, however, was still eluding Marinette, a question still nudging her weary brain insistently.

“What is it, Marinette,” Tikki whispers back.

“You... you never gave me an answer, earlier. About the box, or the egg, I mean. You really think I have what it takes to be the Guardian?”

Tikki stares, silent long enough to make Marinette regret bringing the topic back up, then gives her young charge a content smile. “I _know_ you have what it takes to be a good Guardian, Marinette. That you're wondering about it, and asking Wayzz and I what we think about it, tells me that I don't have to worry. I get the feeling that your Miracle Box will become something quite interesting.”

Marinette blinks. “What?”

“The box goes into a transitional state when a new Guardian takes hold of it; that's why it's an egg right now. Once you start getting your feet under you as a Guardian, it will shift to reflect you.”

“So, it'll become something like the Gramophone that Master Fu had?”

Tikki nods sleepily. “It's waiting, watching to see what kind of Guardian you'll become.”

“...no pressure or anything, then.”

“Like I said,” Tikki chuckles, eyes sliding closed again. “I'm not worried. Being Guardian isn't about being perfect, or not making mistakes. Fu made plenty of his own. What matters is that you're willing to keep walking down the path, and meet what comes your way with your head held high.” 

Marinette watches Tikki trail off, sleep claiming her, and her words loosen the knot she's been carrying in her chest for weeks a little. She's still not sure she's ready for this, but at least she'll have Tikki at her side through it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and please review!


End file.
